Apology
by Mash17
Summary: They have a routine. But not all routines are foolproof  M/J
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Way too busy to go to court so let's just say that City Homicide isn't mine for the moment...

Apology

Chapter 1: His Dark Mood

When two people spend so much time together things begin to fall into a routine. Who buys coffee in the morning and who buys it in the afternoon, who drives, the little things. So it's not hard to imagine that these people would have a routine for apologising.

He would bring flowers to her house, small bunches of daisies or carnations. He couldn't bring himself to give her these in public, not because he was too embarrassed to grovel, but because he knew that she would never accept them in front of their colleagues.

She would struggle to find a way to express her apologies in a manner that wouldn't bring attention to them, so she would often end up baking something to show how sorry she felt. He knew that if she felt that she had done something that she believed needed an apology he would find something sweet hidden in the top of his locker and by the end of the day their fight would be over.

But as it happens, not all routines are foolproof. Although it had not happened yet, there were some situations where flowers or fresh cookies were not going to solve their problems.

* * *

It was looking like it was going to be a slow day when she got up that Friday morning. It wasn't a sunny day, but it wasn't cold and stormy. Yet.

She made it to work before anyone else, relishing in the quiet, she began her daily work, hoping to be finished for an early weekend.

In they came, colleagues, friends, acquaintances and strangers. Trickling in before 9:00, slowly decreasing the quiet and increasing the regular office buzz. She looked over at her colleagues, measuring their moods for that morning. It was obvious that Duncan and Nick were well and truly ready for a weekend break. Allie was late, bustling in, looking nervously at Waverly's closed and quiet office door. Jen looked over at Matt, ready for his patented "good morning" smile, the ordinary, everyday gesture that got her out of bed in the mornings.

But it wasn't there. Prepared for a happy, if not albeit, tired grin, she was shocked to see the dark look in his face. SHE gave him a tentative smile, testing the waters as it were, but nothing equipped her for the oncoming storm. Instead of returning the gesture, he snapped at her. Shaken, she returned to her work, unsure of how to proceed.

If she originally thought that his black mood would fade, Jen found that she was sorely mistaken. If anything, his mood continued to deepen as he snapped, barked, sulked and thundered at everyone in the office. If anything, she was the greatest victim, if she coughed, he glared. If she asked anyone else a question (because she was just too afraid to ask for clarification from him), he would growl at her to be quiet. For each attack on everyone else, she received two.

* * *

It continued all day, and valiantly she soldiered on, getting hopeful and sympathetic glances from her co-workers after every tirade. By the end of the day she was frazzled, tired to the extreme and begging for the weekend. She slammed her last folder closed, not caring, even encouraging the oncoming shouts from the man in front of her. Slowly she stood, hands placed steadily on her desk, eyes level with the explosion of temper in front of her.

Waiting for him to finish, she opened her mouth to retort.

"I don't know what you problem is, but I've had it up to here!" She gestured. "I honestly DON'T CARE anymore, if you've a problem- deal with it! Don't go around like a bear with a sore head, don't yell at everyone for your issues and don't, I repeat DO NOT take it out on me! I AM YOUR FRIEND, NOT YOUR ENEMY!"

It was the stress of the day combined with the emotion of her speech that caused the tears to begin to run down her face. The room was silent. Gathering up her bag and her jacket, Jen spun on her heal and walked from the office.

She heard him call after her, guilt and pain filling his voice, but she would rather die than let an entire room of police officers see her crying. That and she didn't think that she could even consider looking at him at this point, hatred and disappointment filling her thoughts.


	2. His Apology

Chapter 2: His apology

Disclaimer: I'd rather steal what isn't mine, than write the English essay that belongs to me.

* * *

He would never admit it to anyone, but his heart broke as he watched her walk away from him that Friday afternoon. Her words rang clearly in his ears, the statements and heartbreaking claims echoing around his head.

_"I don't know what you problem is, but I've had it up to here. I honestly DON'T CARE anymore, if you've a problem- deal with it! Don't go around like a bear with a sore head, don't yell at everyone for your issues and don't, I repeat DO NOT take it out on me! I AM YOUR FRIEND, NOT YOU ENEMY!"_

She didn't know what his problem was, and to be truthful, he didn't really know either.

Sitting in his darkened car, he watched her home, making sure she was ok, protecting her. Or at least that's what he told himself. Snorting at his own lies, Matt ran a shaking hand through his hair. He looked like, and was acting like a stalker, following her every move. He couldn't deny that she meant something to him. _Hell, _he admitted to himself_, I don't want to deny it_ but he didn't know what that something was.

He shifted his gaze from her front porch to the living room window when the lights flipped on. Through the flimsy curtains he could see her moving around the room. Making his mind up, he grabbed the bouquet of daisies (her favourite) from the seat beside him.

Locking his car, Matt made his way quickly to Jen's front door. Knocking, he steeled himself from the onslaught that he was sure he was going to face.

The door opened and a red-eyed, tear stained Jennifer stood, looking dejectedly at him

"Hi" he tried, offering the flowers. He saw a faint grin flash across her face, but she didn't move to take the flowers.

"I've come to apologise." He tried again. At this she turned, walking down the hallway, leaving the front door wide open. He took this as an invitation to enter.

Matt closed and locked the door, taking the time to calm himself. He entered the kitchen, ready to explain, his speech rehearsing in his mind, but she spoke first.

"Why?" It was a simple question. She didn't want to hear an apology, she wanted a reason for his mood.

"Why?" He was stunned. She nodded. Words and carefully planned speech forgotten, he stared at her. Placing the flowers on the small table, he shrugged. "I don't know"

"You don't know!" her tone was indignant, her eyes fiery. "You don't know why you were in such a terrible mood? Why you yelled at everybody today? Why you yelled at ME!"

He couldn't meet her eyes, he knew why he had yelled at her. To be honest, he wanted her to hate him, so that it would be easier to love her but never have her.

_Love her?_ His mind sparked. _Since when did I love her?_

He lifted his head to look at her. It was now or never.

"I love you."

Although he could not anticipate her reaction, what came next was way out of left field.

"Love me?" her face contorted. "Liar, why do you lie to me? If you can't be stuffed to tell the truth why come here at all?"

She looked at him, daring for a response. When one wasn't offered, she snorted.

"Now you're silent. Typical. You know what? Get out. I don't want to see you again. You disgust me."

She looked at him expectantly.

And he left.

* * *

AN: *hints* Review and there will be no reason to panic *hints*


	3. Their interlude

**Their interlude.**

Disclaimer: I'm sure that Channel 7 just love to know that I don't own CH, but am happy to come and write for them at their convenience.

* * *

Her guilt flowed around her like a mist of dark thoughts and words that should have been left unspoken.

_"Liar, why do you lie to me? If you can't be stuffed to tell the truth why come here at all?" _

The tears flowed freely down her face as she remembered every word she shouted at him.

_"Now you're silent. Typical. You know what? Get out. I don't want to see you again. You disgust me."_

The encounter repeated itself in front of her. Like a black and white movie, she saw them standing in her kitchen as she sat slumped against the cupboard doors.

_You disgust me_

She didn't mean that. It was just…. It was the way…. She couldn't explain why those words… _You disgust me… _came into her mind.

It was just the way he acted around her. He teased and flirted. He made her smile and laugh. But when she went to reciprocate, or question his motives, he'd shut her out.

_You disgust me_

He didn't disgust her. If anyone was disgusting, it was her and her horrid words.

_You disgust me_

_Liar, why do you lie to me?_

_I don't want to see you again._

_You disgust me_

The tears came harder as she realised that she had lost her closest friend and the man she loved. At that thought another part of their encounter came to the forefront of her mind.

_"I love you."_

His words came forth as a whisper, stained with fear and trepidation, she could hear every thought, every worry and every dream he'd had about her in those three short breaths. She replayed it in her mind, head falling back against the door as she remembered. He'd opened his heart to her in his attempts to win her back and she'd sent him on his way.

Jen jumped up and strode towards her door, doubting but still hoping that his car was parked across the street like it had been for the past two hours.

The street was empty. He was gone.

* * *

Jen couldn't remember starting her car, or even finding the keys or her shoes, but now she was driving erratically through the streets looking for him. She zoomed through the crossroads, past parked cars and up and down roads, but she couldn't find him.

Leaving the suburb in which she lived, Jen ventured into the surrounding area, zipping through streets that she barely recognised before she came to a dead end. At the end of the stately, wide residential street was a large and old park which she often ran through.

Preparing to turn around, she looked in all directions to make sure that some loan pedestrian wasn't at risk of her currently dangerous driving. She noticed a car parked in this street end that looked awfully familiar. She pulled up on the handbrake so that she could stop beside the silver car. Frantically clawing at the door handle, a voice from the encounter echoed through the dark.

"If you can't be stuffed to tell the truth why come here at all?"

Matt was leaning up against a loan street light not three metres from her car, and in the shadow of its light was his saddened and pensive face.

"It was a really good question. But I can't tell you wh…." He was cut off

Although it has taken her a good 15 seconds to open her door, she had finally managed to and had rushed up to his side. A hand had clamped across his mouth and imploring eyes looked up at him.

"Did you mean what you said?" Her voice was cautious and contained a note of something he hadn't ever heard from her- shy seduction.

Swallowing thickly, his head bounced up and down nervously. Hand shaking, he hadn't felt like this in…. ever.

"Were you angry because of what you were…. Feeling?" her questions were beginning to remind him of a psychologists interview, but he still felt the need to answer her.

"No." His voice cracked, fear rushing through his veins. He noticed her mouth opening to ask another question. "I was, as you put it going _around like a bear with a sore head_ for such as stupid reason…. I… Well you see…." He stopped and started, unable to form the emotions into words.

"I was having coffee before work with an old friend, and we were…. Well…. Talking about you, and he said that I was a coward who didn't deserve you because I was too afraid of what I was feeling. All day, looking at you, I was reminded of the coward I must look like. I was so angry, not at you, but how you made me feel, at how crazy I am about you …" At that he broke off, too ashamed to continue. He eyes made a conscientious study of his shoes, waiting for her to leave, so that he could return to his evening of self-loathing.

However, this was not to happen, as her two hands gently cupped his face and the words "And here I was thinking that you didn't have an ego" before her lips met his.

* * *

Awwww... One to come.

MashXXOO


	4. Her Apology

**Her Apology**

Disclaimer: NM

(so I haven't edited this or anything... sorry for any mistakes)

* * *

When asked later, neither of the two could sufficiently explain how they had made it from the park back to Jen's house that evening. But made it back they did.

Entering Jen's house, Matt pushed Jennifer against her bedroom door, not willing to relinquish his hold on her face and hips. Passionately, their lips moved against each other's, their hands moving in frantic waves, wanting and needing to touch and never let go.

Pulling back slightly, Jen moved her forehead so that it leaned up against Matt's that she could attempt to catch her breath, and to calm her wildly beating heart. She looked up at him through her eyelashes, and he groaned, pulling him closer. It was as she was pressed between the bedroom door and Matt's strong chest that she spoke the first words between them since leaving the park.

"I love you too."

Finally the door was open and they made it into the privacy of Jen's bedroom.

* * *

It was much later on, in the darkness of what they later discovered as very early Saturday morning, that Jen remembered what the motive of her late night drive was.

"Matt?" She whispered into his shoulder.

"Mmm?" He moved back slightly so she could talk.

"I need to apologise for what I said to you before…." If either could see through the darkness, the blush across her face would have rivalled that of Christmas Lights.

"Apologise for what? 'Cause if you mean the moaning and 'Oh Matt's' and the claim that I'm the best you've ever had… I'm leaving now." He laughed as he felt her blush deepen. "I personally don't think that you have anything to apologise for…"

"Oh Matt…"

"But" He cut her off, "If you really thing you have to make up for anything…." He rolled her underneath him "… let me help."

And he kissed her before she could respond.


End file.
